A Letter to Single Mamas on Mothers Day: My Journey of Finding Strength, Inspiration, and Joy
Mother’s day always comes with expectations of relaxation and brunches for women, with their husbands taking the lead on all the activities. But that isn’t the case for some women. I respect all mothers, because being a mom is the hardest job on earth. But today I want to speak directly to the single mamas. I want to let these phenomenal women know that I see you. I am you.
This is a personal post, because I want to be real about my experiences and connect with you all. This isn’t a pity party, but instead my story of finding strength, inspiration and joy through it all.
This is my condensed story, and I am better because of it.
Single mamas out there, remember you are powerful and you have the inner strength to overcome this season in your life.
If you are a single mom, strength might as well be your middle name.
I grew up in a single mother household. So I knew all about sacrifices and what being a “single mom” meant, to an extent. My dad was a ghost to me, some person who abandoned me and didn’t know me at all. And my mom had a ton of anger, and sometimes rage. My mom raised me and I will always give her credit for taking care of me. I was always clothed, had food to eat, and a roof over my head. But there was a lot of toxic and traumatic things I experienced growing up. There were many times I wanted to escape, but couldn’t. I will always love my mom, but our relationship is non-existent because I didn’t want to be involved in a toxic environment anymore, especially since I am now a mother. After reflection, I see that a lot of her issues stemmed from childhood trauma and hatred towards my father.
Getting pregnant at 17 years old and being a single mom, was not the plan I had for my life. I met my son’s dad, and he was the first man I ever loved. I thought life was going to be gravy and that somehow I’d be invincible to heartbreak and the difficulties of being a young mom. However we didn’t work out and once I had our son he came around less and less. My heart ached for my son, because I already knew the pain, confusion, and longing a kid experiences growing up without their father. I was really depressed and had a lot of resentment towards the drama, abandonment, and the many challenging events. I felt like a ton of bricks weighed on me.
As a single mom it’s a constant struggle. There is no “off day”. There is no break. It’s lonely, stressful, and emotionally and physically exhausting. You can look put together on the outside, but be completely overwhelmed, and ready to collapse on the inside. When I was working two jobs and going to school full time, there were moments when I was so worn out, that after my son went to sleep I would just scream and cry in my pillow.
As a single mom, you worry so much, over money, resources, daycare, healthcare, just about everything. And every job isn’t flexible or favorable towards moms. If your kid gets sick and you have no help, you’re out of a job! As a single mom, society labels you and sometimes disregards you all together; as if you are not good enough. You have to deal with inconsiderate and rude people looking down on you. And it’s 10x worse when you are a minority.
So how do you overcome all that? You find strength. Whether that be spiritually or through some other divine connection, you search for it, you hold onto it, and pull yourself together.
I was a broken girl, but I couldn’t stay that way if I wanted to be a good mother.
Single mamas, use your experiences as inspiration to do better for yourself and your kids.
There were definitely times when I was in college that I wanted to quit. But what kept me pushing, was my son. I have this amazing kid, who’s so smart, full of life, curious, and loves wholeheartedly. I see the good sides of both me and his dad in him, as well as his own attributes. And that’s a blessing.
I think as a single mom, I am showing my son he can face anything. I am setting the example for him. He’s watching me! I owe it to him, to have my shit together and to not use my situation as an excuse to be a “half-ass” parent, but instead I use it as motivation to be my best for him. That means letting go of any bitterness or anger, and overflowing him with love and making good choices for us. I’m not perfect but I strive for better. He is my WHY. Let your kids be the WHY, why you go back to school or start a business or do anything that will help your family.
We have to take 100% control of our lives!
For more inspiration, check out these super successful single mamas.
Single Mamas, remember there is joy in motherhood. Focus on the blessings not the problems.
I’ve talked a lot about the hard stuff, but now I want to shift gears and talk about the pure bliss of being a mom. Being a mom is a joyful experience, so focus on that part, dwell on that part. Look at the life you created, you did that! Once you have a kid, you mature and get a whole new perspective on life.
As mamas, we are so caught up in handling all the responsibilities, we have to take a step back and enjoy the present. Enjoy our babies, because before we know it they will be grown and doing their own thing. You don’t have to spend a bunch of money either to have quality time. My son’s favorite activities with me are going on walks, having picnics, dancing, skating, swimming, and me chasing him through the park. He gets a kick out of me “pretending” to not be able to catch him during hide-and-seek. And as a single mom, one silver lining is that you don’t have to consult with anyone to make decisions about your child. You can choose what you think is best for them.
So again, I’ll state - enjoy your babies, because they love you so much!
There are people who care about you. Research resources for Single Moms and connect with others moms for additional assistance.
I’ve found the greatest asset a single mom can have is a trusted circle of family or friends, especially those that have kids too. This way you can vent and talk to someone who actually understands the the trials and triumphs of motherhood. And you can take turns babysitting for each other.
And if you know a single mom, show her some love, compassion, and help any way you can.
She is so much braver than you could ever imagine.
Salute & Happy Mother’s Day to all the Single Mamas making a way!
With love always,