Life Lessons You Can Learn From Every Relationship
You know that feeling you get when the blinders have been pulled back? You are now awake from the haze of nonsense that you have allowed to disrupt your state of peace. We all go through this at some point in our lives. I call this the “Thank you, Lord, for being with me while I temporarily lost the good mind you have given me” moment! This is when you no longer accept ideas, behaviors or thought patterns that deter you from becoming your best self! Here is what I have learned from my relationships, whether that be significant other, family, friends or work.
Stop waiting to be picked!
You are a chosen, lady! The powers that be, the universe, God, Mother Earth have all conspired to work things out in your favor if you choose to say it, believe it and claim it. Yeah, you may not have received that promotion. Your friend may not have been mindful of your feelings. That guy you have been gushing over just isn’t into you. Maybe, your family is being inconsiderate with your time and money.
Whatever the situation, you can’t change people. You treat yourself the way others should treat you. YOU reward yourself for the work you do. YOU change your way of thinking about the situation, because that my dear is what you have power over. Let God do the rest ;)
(when you're at your wits end or in your feelings, say the Serenity prayer)
You have everything that you need inside of you to fulfill your dreams and goals
I have to constantly remind myself of this, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed, when things are chaotic or when I am unsure of the next best step. Failure moves you into the next best step! Take a breath, literally right now - Inhale, hold it for 5 seconds, then exhale slowly, and repeat as needed. Things just don’t happen overnight. It takes patience, dedication, consistency, positive attitude and belief in yourself to not just have the dream but to reach the goal of fulfilling those dreams.
Your dreams should not make sense to other people! They are not their dreams, they are yours. So continue to stretch yourself and push past the doubt, the uneasy, unsure feelings and do it! Go get what is already yours! It won’t be easy and it’s honestly not supposed to be, life doesn’t work that way. We learn best when we have to work for it, when we fall and get right back up and do it again, until we get it right. Practice and patience create progress which leads to perfection. So don’t stop, keep going and surround yourself with good folks that will encourage you along the way.
Vulnerability is not as bad as it is often depicted to be. It means being willing to step out of your comfort zone. Often times we build up walls to keep people out because at some point in our lives we have been hurt, manipulated, disrespected, abused or used. And it doesn’t feel good when you have been hurt or misunderstood. So you build walls. The problem with these walls is that not only do they keep those who may hurt you out, but it also keeps those who won’t hurt you on the outside as well, unable to see the “true” you! It’s okay to let your walls down around those you trust, and yes, you could get hurt, but it’s worth the risk. Either way with every encounter, every conversation, and every relationship we have gives us insight about ourselves and others. Every interaction is preparation for the next! Have a little faith that the universe is working in your favor and open up a bit.
How many times have you kept quiet about something that bothered you? You did this because you probably: 1.) don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, 2.) don’t think that your opinions are valid enough, 3.) you don’t have enough data to support your thoughts or 4.) you thought no one would be your friend or like you any more, or lastly 5.) any other “crappy” reason you can think of that gives you temporary paralysis. Get rid of the mind trash that is preventing you from speaking up! People will either like you or they won’t and THAT IS OK! You can’t control other people's opinions or misconceptions. What you can do is create dialogue for open communication so that all parties feel that they each have a safe space to express their thoughts, feelings, ideas, and concerns without fear of rejection, with all its many forms. You will rock the boat at times, which means you will create change and growth when you don’t follow or settle for the norm? So go out there and BE YOU! Speak your mind, be direct but compassionate. And don’t be take offense if people don’t see it your way. It’s okay!
Develop Routine & Habits
How many attempts have I made to create a routine that I can stick with so that I can create better habits? Too many, I’ve tried this, that and some. When you are pulled in many different directions you find yourself lost in your own shuffle, wondering how’d I get here and how do I get out, for good this time! You have to create a routine that is realistic to your needs and then be flexible. You must commit to it, no excuses. If you fail, try it again until you get it. Start with one routine at a time, one habit you want to change at a time. Baby steps, otherwise if you try to tackle it all at one time, you will become overwhelmed and paralyzed. A mountain is taken apart one stone at a time.
Do your part, if you want results then put in the time and consistent effort to get to where you want to be. It's that simple. We all got excuses, reasons, issues, families situations or we just don’t “feel” like doing x thing. But you have to be honest with yourself and others and really work at staying on top of whatever it is you want to see results in whether that is your diet, finances, personal or professional goals. If you don’t take ownership for the outcomes that you desire and hold yourself accountable for the not getting the results you want then you can’t grow and have the life that you’ve dreamed. Become a doer at all cost, if you want to reap the harvest and live the good life. “To be successful, you must be willing to do the things today others won't do in order to have the things tomorrow others won't have.”~ Les Brown
Remember to give yourself some grace, patience, and love as you encounter each new relationship. Each relationship will teach you something very valuable about yourself and about others. The goal is to be open to becoming your best self, even when it’s challenging. Take a moment and reflect on where you were 3 years ago or even just last year. Now look at where you are today and write down where you want to be in the next year, as well as the next three years. Go post it on your mirror, front door, or the refrigerator. Write your goals in a place that you will see it at least once a day. Make sure to say it aloud too, as this will affirm in your spirit that you are moving closer each day to fulfilling your aspirations! You got this!
With love always,